Porcelain
by Special Agent Tee-vah
Summary: Every night, he contemplated just packing up, and going back there. Just showing up at her door, to pull her back into his arms and kiss her one more time. Just once, that would be more than enough.


**So, hey! I started this earlier in the afternoon. I watched Past, Present and Future for the first time today. I sat here, staring at my computer, shaking and crying, and my mom's just looking at me like I've gone mental.**

**But PLEASE, this was Cote's last episode. That honestly has kind of but not really sunk in. As in, I know this is her last episode. It occurred to me earlier that I'll never see her name in the credits, or her face in new episodes, unless she guest stars or I watch DVDs.**

**Seriously though, that was a beautiful ending. It lacked a little something, in that I don't think they gave them closure [more like they rubbed salt into a huge wound]. That episode, that ending, is the very reason this fic exists.**

**I honestly cried while writing this because I started this literally less than 5 minutes after I finished the episode. Before starting PPF, I watched Jess' video 'Inevitable', which Whoots showed me the other day and I ended up not studying for both papers the next day. Might I add, I cried like crazy at those few clips. Imagine how it was when I watched PPF. [It resulted in Whoots getting a really long email.]**

**I'm sorry, I know this is a really long A/N, but I needed to rant and this is a good way to. The story itself isn't entirely long, but this was written really quickly, so I hope this turns out okay! Anyways, read and review please! (:**

* * *

No words. No goodbye, no farewell.

In a sense, that was a good thing.

_Goodbye. Maybe, just maybe, we'll meet again, some day._

_Farewell. This is it._

There was a reason she said neither of these things. Goodbye, meant that she might see him again one day. A small, highly unlikely chance. Farewell, had a lingering sense of finality that she was not prepared for.

She was in no way, prepared to let him go.

She knew she had to, of course. It was time. Their relationship, whatever it was, had run its course.

_They were done._

That was what she wanted to believe. That she could move on, that he could move on. Maybe, a few weeks ago, she would have believed that, she would have thought that this could happen.

Not anymore. Not after everything that he said. She thought she could be strong for the both of them, but…apparently not, after all.

"_I'm fighting for you, Ziva."_

Those haunting words, that said, _"I'm not letting you go. I've been chasing you all this time, please stop running. Stop running, and turn around. Come back to us. Come back to me."_ The heart-breaking words that told her everything she needed to know. Those were the words that held the three words that they both knew would break her.

_I love you._

Maybe he didn't say those exact words, but they both knew what he meant. This was them; this was Tony and Ziva. They never had to say what had to be said, they always knew. Somehow, they always did.

"_Tony, you're so…"_

"_Handsome? Funny? What?"_

"_Loved."_

That's all it took. Now he knew. That was her way of saying, _"I love you too."_

Then there was that kiss. _Oh god_, that kiss. They had been beating around the bush, prolonging the wait up to that very moment, and then it happened. It finally, finally happened.

How was she supposed to let go after that? How was she supposed to move on?

The answer was pretty simple, really.

Pretend that she moved on, pretend that she was happy, and maybe, he could move on too.

* * *

She snuck him her necklace. When did she do this? _How_ did she do this?

It's been a week. Maybe at work, to them it looks like everything's fine. It looks like he's fine, that they sorted things out and he's recovered from this.

They haven't seen how he really feels, though.

Every night, he finds himself seated on his sofa, holding the necklace, just…staring at it. This hurts more than when he couldn't find her. At least then, every now and then, she would update him; let him know she was safe. Let him know that she was fine.

This time, he knew exactly where she was. He knew she was safe, he knew that no one was in any danger.

The one problem?

He couldn't go and see her.

Now he could actually have her. They could give this…thing a shot, but he had no chance. Not now, at least. Every night, he contemplated just packing up, and going back there. Just showing up at her door, to pull her back into his arms and kiss her one more time.

Just once, that would be more than enough.

To see her, to talk to her, to hear her voice, to touch her one more time. That was all he wanted.

This non-relationship they have? This could become something more.

At the same time, he knew that that would never be enough. He was too far gone; this woman had affected him in ways that he didn't think possible.

He's sitting there, just staring at the Star. There's nothing unusual about this, it's become a common occurrence. The thought of letting go and moving on, has not even entered his mind, not that he would entertain it.

_Remember me_. Is that why she gave him back the necklace? To remember her by? Hope that he wouldn't forget her?

As if that was even possible.

He can't come up with a single reason as to why she would possibly return this. Any logical reason, that is. This was his gift to her, at least four years ago. Hers went missing, and so he got her this. It was the most precious thing to her after she got it; and she swore she would never take it off, but she did.

If it was so precious, why did she return it?

He stares at it for the longest time, and he thinks. Odds are, she thought that maybe he would have a memory of her, and that would be enough. That would be all he needed, and he would be able to move on. Maybe that was it.

It's then, when he realizes. It's then, when he starts smiling like an idiot.

There was no goodbye, no farewell. There was never meant to be one. The necklace wasn't to tell him not to forget her, but it was her promise.

This was her promise that she would come back. That she would return and take it back from him.

This was her promise that he would see her again. That maybe, just maybe, they could give this a shot.

This was her promise that maybe; just maybe, they could finally get to where they were meant to be.

* * *

_It's alright to take time_  
_And find where you've been_  
_You are perfect porcelain_

* * *

**So, how was it? I might give a sequel that promises them a 'true' happy ending, depending on the feedback! So, let me know how it was, and whether there should be a sequel? (:**

**xx**

**Manda**

**OH and hey, Sophie, Whitney: Hope this turned out okay ;) *hides from Sophie***


End file.
